The unknownness of my needs frightens me. I do not know how huge they are, or how high they are, I only know that they are not being met. If you want to find out the circumfrence of an oil drop, you can use lycopodium powder. That’s what I’ll find. A tub of lycopodium powder, and I’ll sprinkle it on my needs and find out how large they are. Then when I meet someone I can write up the experiment and show them what they have to take on. Except they might have a growth rate I can’t measure, or they might mutate, or even disappear. One thing I am certain of, I do not want to be betrayed, but that’s quite hard to say, casually, at the beginning of a relationship. It’s not a word people use very often, which confuses me because there are different kinds of infidelity, but betrayal is betrayal, wherever you find it. By betrayal, I mean promising to be on your side, then being on somebody else’s.

Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit, Jeanette Winterson

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